[MILESTONES] Glenn Beck declared a National Monument !
On the 100th Birthday of Ronald Reagan – being America’s most favorite Actor-President – current President Barack Obama has joined the Celebration by declaring comedian Glenn Beck a National Monument.
From a White House Press Release: "Americans have been Rolling on the Floor with Laughter (ROTFWL for you texters) more recently than ever before, and we here in the Nation’s Capital have been having one heckofa time trying to figure out where to place Mr Beck in American history.
"The Smithsonian declined to accept him, even when we offered an obscene amount of money to build them a special wing to house a Wax Museum dedicated to all the misfits at FOX. This new construction was to be a cornerstone of our Putting-People-Back-To-Work Campaign (PPBTW). The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) wouldn’t return our phone calls. Even the Washington DC Sanitation Board (DCSB) refused, saying their Sanitation Workers Union threatened to go on strike.
"However, after considerable discussion in closed-door Sessions of my Cabinet, the perfect place has been selected. Mr Beck – by being declared a National Monument – will come under permanent supervision of the National Park Service."
Said a spokesperson for the Department of Interior: ‘Our excellent staff of Park Rangers over here at NPS have developed years of expertise in handling all sorts of ornery critters in the wild, from wolves and porcupines to skunks. These two-legged varmints from FOX will be a piece of cake for them!’ At the same time, rumors were squelched that 3 Park Superintendents had threatened to resign if the site for the Beck Monument was located inside their National Park.
Tying this Award to the 100th Birthday Celebration of America’s greatest bit Actor-President was deemed most appropriate since Beck has long been known as a bit player on the Fox Propaganda Channel, using Vick’s Vaporub swiped under his eyes to cry on cue. Beck cinched the nomination over his envious FOX colleagues last week when he declared on air that Code Pink is behind Egypt’s Uprising! even tho he failed to find Egypt on a map. www.thedailybeast: Glenn Beck blasts the uprising in Cairo as a threat to our way of life.
As the formal Title which goes to Beck for being named our Republic’s first living National Monument, he will henceforth and forevermore be known as America’s first Premier Patriotic Political Moron (PPPM), and Beck is required to continue living up to this Title every day.
Persistent rumors that Reagan was suffering from progressive Alzheimer’s Disease during his Presidency have been consistently denied by President Barack Obama’s Staff: "Allowing Reagan to get off the hook for setting in motion the catastrophic Crash of the Global Economy by claiming Alzheimer’s just won’t get it. Reagan started the Meltdown. He gets full credit for it."
Responded the Staff of the Reagan Library to these allegations: "Yes, he was a puppet on a string, dancing to the tune of billionaire Corporate Fascists. But no, like any actor, he knew what they paid him to do. Having to read his lines from 3×5 index cards he kept in his pocket was because he couldn’t see the tele-prompters without his glasses. And you know how vain Ronnie was. They fixed the problem of him reading from the wrong set of cards by putting them in different pockets, and tying a string around the pinky finger of the hand that was to reach into a pocket first."
Newly Teabagger-elected Representatives in the US House were lobbying Obama to name their favorite political sex-symbol Sarah Palin to this honor, but had no success arguing their case. Said a new Great Plains farmer/Congressman from the mid-West: "It’s so great to finally have some lookers in the GOP. Got so tired of seeing that skinny one with the straight blond hair trying to represent us all! Like any female, they may not know when to keep their mouth’s shut, but at least this new crop of heifers are plumper distractions to fantasize over."
The White House is saving Ms Palin in reserve, confident Sarah will so thoroughly pisssoff Rethuglicans that she will have to make an Independent run for the Presidency in 2012, and Obama secretly wishes her much success in splitting the vote against him.
Muttering was major in White House back hallways when it looked like half-Governor Palin might self-implode over criticism of her role in the Arizona massacre, which she could not seem to get ahead of. But she bounced back as the Ronnie Rayguns 2-day 100th Birthday Celebration Kickoff Speaker.
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In the wake of the tragedy in Arizona, FOX News & the right-wing
media have cried foul, turned a blind eye to their record of violent
rhetoric, and dug their FOX Trotters in deeper.
In the most outrageous instance, Glenn Beck issued a so-called
anti-violence pledge that included death-threat inducing lies about
78-year-old professor and civil rights advocate Frances Fox Piven.
About the only thing crazier and more irresponsible than Beck‘s
raving lunacy, is that FOX President Roger Ailes & News Corp CEO
Rupert Murdoch continue to provide Beck a platform to spew it.
Are Ailes and Murdoch ready to accept responsibility for the
tragedy their Network invites every day? Let’s ask them.
Say to Ailes and Murdoch: Your silence and inaction is culpability.
If you don’t stop FOX’s promotion of violent rhetoric, America shall
hold YOU responsible for the consequences. Are you ready?