We don’t want to talk about real issues and always want to talk about things that happen to others and things that happen in another location instead of talking about things that we face. This is why some black folk does crazy things because they keep mess built up inside of them instead of letting go. Yep going to a paid therapist or the like may help but many times folk need to just get some stuff off their chest.
Get this! I am amazed at how Father’s Day is treated as an event with entertainment similar to that provided by clowns at a circus by disgruntled mothers and by children who are now adults who obviously need to see a reputable therapist because of their inability to think coherently and because of their misconception of what an ideal father is.
I can relate to this because I can speak for me and feel there is some truth to this. I know I tried to do the best I could for all of my children and they never had to go lacking for anything. I also had great support from my parents and my dad spoiled all of them.
I don’t get caught up in holidays even though my birthday is on Christmas Day and days such as Father’s Day however since there are so much celebration and discussions around these days I can’t help but think about it. As I think about Father’s Day it comes to mind how my oldest daughter who has been brainwashed by her mother and step-dad that I didn’t do anything for her. Everyone that knows me know that is a lie because I went above and beyond but their goad was to destroy my relationship with my daughter. The sad part is the mother and the step-dad are co-pastors and my daughter is a minister.
I need to share with disgruntled mothers that a man is not a bad father because he refused to “dance to your music” and be controlled by your “puppet strings”.
I can relate because my oldest daughter’s mother played the music and danced around it doing what I had to do by initiating the court papers so I could have visitation rights to spend time with my daughter. The mother convinced the then boyfriend to move to Maryland where he had family because she thought I was not going to keep my visitation rights going. However after several years of playing games going back and forth to Maryland and they playing games not being home when I came to pick up my daughter and sometimes not home when I returned her and was just messy. Because the child support laws are different in states it was tough. I got tired of playing the games because one thing I had a family here and also my son was real sickly with asthma back then and was in and out of the hospital quite a bit.
God was good to me because he kept me on the dangerous highways. I would get off work at 12:15 on Friday night/Saturday morning leave Rocky Mount and go home to Pinetops and get about 2 hours of sleep. I had to find someone to go with me to Maryland 4 hours one way leaving out 4:00 AM for a 4 hour trip one way to Waldorf Maryland. I did most of the driving over the years however when I got really tired I would let my cousins or friends drive and my girlfriend/wife now would drive some.
I need to share with adult children that a father is not “less than” because he refuses to “buy your affection” or satisfy your materialistic appetite. There are some grandparents who feel the need to do that, while some fathers refuse. As for me, I refuse to become a contestant in that game. Afterall, our affirmation as good fathers isn’t predicated upon receiving accolades from our children. It never has been nor will it ever be.
I can’t relate to above because when my child was born I bought all the milk, pampers, clothes and etc. and when I traveled to Maryland to pick her up I had to buy clothes every time and I would leave them when I took her back home. I know how the mother dressed her because I remember one time I spent the night in Maryland and went to the school to meet with my daughter’s teachers to let them know that I was concerned about her education and that I wanted to be engaged in her schooling although I lived in NC. When I arrived at the school my daughter’s on that Monday morning she had on the same clothes that she had on that I had bought when I took her back that Sunday evening.
While trying to keep in touch with my daughter over the years and when she told me I had never done anything for her that was a low blow but I was good because I know what I had done and folk that know me know what I have done.
But I guess I could say the game was the game that my daughter’s mother and step-dad played trying to keep me from my daughter. But it is all good. I initiated the child support and paid it with no problem matter of a fact I had volunteered to have my support garnished from my check so it would automatically go to my daughter versus mailing it to Maryland myself. I took the mother to court to get visitation rights because I was doing my part but she didn’t want me to spend anytime with my daughter.
Listen! This is not an earnest effort to minimize the fact that there are fathers who have been negligent in their responsibility, while there have been mothers who worked tirelessly to try to prevent the father from having a relationship with their child(ren) and then try to play victim while sowing seeds of lies in the head of the child. But rather than bashing them on facebook or any other social network attempting to belittle them, get out of that clown suit…. put on your grown woman and channel that energy towards facilitating a relationship between the father and his child(ren) by letting go of the past (as hard as it might be) and move forward.
I tell fathers no matter what the relationship is with the mother to please try to have a relationship with the child and the main thing is to provide finances for the child.
I have never had a problem with my daughter bashing me but keeping my child from me was enough. Before my mom died I asked that the mother allow my parents to spend time with my daughter but she didn’t. This is what hurt me the most because they loved my daughter because I used to keep my daughter all the time because the mess went down. Oh and by the way I didn’t mistreat the mother either she wanted to hang out with her friends, drink and smoke and I just told them if she could buy marijuana then she could start buying pampers and clothes for our baby not that she had to but that was mess not needed. I didn’t drink or smoke and every week the money I spent on alcohol I bought clothes for my baby. I also started a new job in January 1987 and my daughter was born in April 1987 so I have not drank anything dating back before January 1987.
As for you adult children….regardless of what your opinion is of your father, pray for him as I’m sure he is praying too that God will change your distorted views and soften your stoney heart. Furthermore, he is still your father despite who you praise.
Powerful! Don’t even need to expand on that!
The Wringley Brothers Circus has absolutely nothing on the drama and acts during the yearly Father’s Day Circus.
If my oldest daughter who is very smart, got several degrees and a minister along with her mother and step-dad like living a lie, then I love it. I done my part and it is well with my soul. Do I not think about wishing I had a relationship with my daughter oh hell yeah because it used to bother me but I cherish the times today that I spent with her. Folk ask me about my 2 girls when I used to take them to the NAACP meetings and other and I had brought them some little children brief cases and when we walked in the meetings me my team was ready.
The one thing that bother me is my youngest daughter who had a relationship my oldest daughter it bothers her because they do communicate to a minimum on social media. My son who had never seen my oldest daughter got to meet her at a graduation when my daughter had came from Maryland to our high school because her step-dad’s niece was graduating which is only a mile from our house. Yep used to come right by our house all them years when they came back to Pinetops and they would not even stop or let us know when they were in town.
Well there you have my ignant spill on Father’s Day!