A Message To The Brothers (Child Support) – I Did My Part And It Is Well With My Soul. Stay Encouraged!!

Sometimes things are beyond your control but just stay encouraged.

As I think about all that I went through trying to stay a part of my daughter’s life, in the end there is little to no communication. It all began when she was born on April 1, 1987 and then the mom and the boyfriend moved to Maryland around 1990.

The mother and the boyfriend now husband did all they could to keep me away from my daughter by moving to Maryland. I guess they thought I would not go to Maryland to keep my visitation rights in tact.

I paid child support for 18 years and I was the one who initiated the court process. I had to go back and forth to Waldorf, Md to visit my daughter, work a real job, farm and also worked a part-time job. Not only did I just pay child support but I bought clothes for my daughter everytime I traveled to Maryland and picked her up every holiday and every 2 weeks during the summer months.

In 1995 my mom became terminally ill and I had to continue to work and take care of her on top of traveling back and forth to Maryland to pick up my daughter. I got married in June 1997 and my mom died in September 1997. I called my daughter and she did not come to my mom’s home going. I was so hurt however my mom and my dad loved her to death and my dad was hurt as well.

In 1999 the flood came and my wife my 2nd daughter and my son lost our house and we stayed with my mother-in-law moved on to my aunt and then eventually ending up living in a camper trailer for almost a year.

The last time my daughter came to stay with us was during Christmas of 1999 while we were in the camper trailer. When I called around 4:00 AM in the morning to see if they were home before taking the 4 hour one way trip, many times I didn’t get anyone but I took a chance going. However the last time I got her something told me don’t go to Maryland because they are not there. Sure enough I called and called up until around 7:00 am but I ended up calling to New Port News and this is where they were. I took that 2 hour drive one way vs going to Maryland. But no one told me they were going to be in New Port News.

I visited my daughter’s elementary school once but kept in touch with the school system via telephone up until 1999. It is sad that out of all these years I was not given the opportunity to purchase any of my daughter’s school pictures. I was not invited to her high school graduation nor to her college graduation.

Do anyone remember the snipers incident in the Virginia, Maryland I-95 area back in the early 2000’s. Well this was the route I would have been taking if I would have been traveling to Maryland.

As the years passed up until 1999 picking up my daughter was made difficult because of the lack of communication with the mother.

There has been little to no communication with my daughter since early 2000. Over the years when someone died in her family I would go to the funeral or to the repass afterwards so that I could get to see her.

It has been tough and I think about my mom and my daughter all the time. This has been tough on my dad as well. My wife feel our pain as well because she helped me with my daughter all those years as well long before we go married.

I have a paid up life insurance policy that has been hers since she turned 18 and I had tried to make contact with her years ago so she could cash in or to take ownership of it however I received no response. This was insurance outside of the insurance that I had on her at my work place until I had to remove her about 2-3 years ago.

On April 1st of this year I did send her a text wising her a happy birthday and she responded. I was so happy because I did not think she would respond.

I understand that the mother and her husband suppose to be both preaching and they have a church but how do they preach knowing that they did all they could do to keep me away from my daughter. Yes I had visitation rights but you see after researching the visitation laws in Maryland, they were totally different from NC laws. Actually I really couldn’t enforce them because the 2 states laws were not compatible so therefore it was not worth challenging them.

Brothers I encourage you to do the right thing, pay child support and know that at the end of the day you did your part.

See related:

A Message To The Brothers

Message To The Brothers – The Ignant Column

9 thoughts on “A Message To The Brothers (Child Support) – I Did My Part And It Is Well With My Soul. Stay Encouraged!!

  1. Curmilus,

    I appreciate your willingness to stay involved in your daughter’s life. As a parent, it is your responsibility to provide and take care of your child; in times of strain and difficulty those responsibilities can change, but nevertheless the need to be a provider, at whatever level, is still there. Hopefully your daughter will recognize your role in her life and take the responsibility that she now has as an adult to make clear and conscience decisions that will make you and her mother very proud of who she is and will become.

    Your story is not unique, but your willingness to be open is.


  2. Paul I have no problem with you or anyone commenting but I be damn if I am going to allow you or others to use my blog for ignant comments. I have no problem with others disagreeing but when the comments are ignant I will not allow it. I love it when folks disagree with me in a constructive manner but again ignance will not be allowed.


  3. Wouldn’t the “right thing” be to not have children out of wedlock? That way visitation rights aren’t an issue, whether it’s NC, MD or wherever.


    • Yep guilty had a child out of weblock however this message was not only about children out of weblock but is also a message for separated and/or divorced parents.

      Since I had a child out of wedlock, I took care of my child. Visitation is not limited to parents who have been married.

      So ignant if we had been married and the mother moved away it would have been the same thing. But you see your ignant a… trying to take my posting to another level. Don’t go there with me because I will not entertain your ignance.


      • You should certainly be commended for going to great lengths to make the best out of a less than ideal situation and not totally abandoning your daughter as so many fathers (of all races) do these days. Best of luck as time goes on in establishing a closer relationship with your daughter.

        Great job with the website. I enjoy the stories you post and reading your point of view.

        PS – not everyone who disagrees with you is “ignant.” Spouting insults is the quickest way to squelch open dialog, if that’s what you’re interested in. I assume that you ARE interested in hearing all points of view because you provide readers with the opportunity to share comments. As Dr. King said, “When a person stoops to name calling, it shows that he has nothing substantive to say.”


  4. This post literally brought tears to my eyes. As far as the mother/her husband being “preachers”…it doesn’t surprise me. But, you keep the faith like you always have. You’re a good man. And there are many many more like you! The good ones don’t get the press and the media attention.


  5. Maybe at the time they were not preachers but, God can and will change people. I just hope they have gotten it right with God adn according to the Bible if they have something against you they need to get that right also because, people are leaving this world with grudges and it should not be because the Bible let’s us know Be not Mocked That you sow you shall surely reap. So people get it right and know that God is not pleased until you do, knowing He wants us to love the enemy and Bless the ones that curse us, get it right with your fellowmen & women


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